Cannibalism: The Safe Way

A couple of years back I was introduced to the wonderful world of hufu, a wonderful soybased tofu product design to resemble, and taste like, human flesh. And recently I got to revisit this topic while writing an article on the subject.

I am, for those who don't know it already, a fervent believer in cannibalism as a rational use of available natural resources. Humans are meat, and once expired (the human part, not the meat part of course), we should be returned to the cycle of life. I don't care how, as long as we are used for something and aren't just a waste of space. Unfortunately, a waste of space is exactly what most of us are while we're alive, apart from occasional fertilization of woodlands when out camping, we don't give a lot back. In death, we finally have a chance to do something about it. Either as a decomposing (and fertilizing) body or as food for animals and other humans. Like I said, we're just meat.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not aware of the problem this presents to the vegan and vegetarian communities out there. Even though it doesn't harm any animals, most of them are against cannibalism. This is where hufu comes in. Through human-tasting tofu products these people can at least feel like they're taking part in the cycle of life, even if they have willfully distanced themselves from it. Isn't that great?

And for those cannibals out there who wish to change their way, or cut back on salty europeans, hufu is an excellent way to start out a diet. I heartily condone it.

I was first made aware of hufu through this wonderful segment on the Daily Show in 2005;

Great, eh? The sad part is that the company and eathufu.com proved to be a bit of a financial disappointment. In mid 2006 it disappeared of the web, and a whole lot of people never did receive their t-shirts or hufu, or a refund.

So I guess we should just wish Mark Nuckols the best of luck in the arms business.

Happy 10th anniversary

Some anniversaries are a bit more awkward than others, but there are certain milestones in western civilization that just cannot be ignored. Back in the 90s, researchers were testing out Sildenafil for possible effects on chest pains and assorted other problems. It turned out, that it didn't help. What it did however, was give the user an amazing erection for several hours straight.

This was the birth of Viagra. And on march 27th, 1998, ten years ago today, the FDA approved the pills for commercial sale.

Western Civilization may not be able to cure cancer or solve environmental problems, but we can give stiffies to near-dead 90 year olds. Now if that isn't an accomplishment, I don't know what is.

Cheers!

The Ides of March, 2008

Beware the Ides of March, proclaimed to soothsayer in warning to the original man of the people Gaius Julius Caesar. I can speak for hours on the greatness of the original Caesar, on his skills as a warrior, his political acumen and his love for the people of Rome. And the Romans love for him, as well. He's a role model for future political actions, and the one man to compare all other leaders with. And on this day, the Ides of March... he was murdered.
All good things come to an end, and the great democratic leader was felled by 23 individual knife wounds given to him by friends and allies. His blood would flood the Senate floor where he had served the Roman Republic and it's people in so many different capacities. And while one can argue that he should have seen such an act coming, given all the colourful omens that preceded it and the fact that he was a renowned military leader and political tactictian, the assassins were able to catch him off guard while he was receiving their petitions.

The Roman Senate was corrupted by their own petty jealousy and feared that Caesar, whom they had themselves given the title of Dictator-for-Life, was becoming to powerful and popular among the Roman people. The fact that he treated his enemies with the same decency and friendliness as his allies also shook them up a bit. The Senate organized themselves into an execution party, that included long-time friend and adopted son of Caesar, Brutus. Most folks believe that Caesars final words were directed to him - in English it is quoted as "And you, my son Brutus" and in latin "Et Tu Brute", which just means "You too, Brutus?" A better lating would be "Tu Quoque, Brute, Fili Mi?" However sources on this are flimsy at best, and there is only one source as far as I can tell, and it tells that he actually spoke in Greek, and cried out: "Kai Su, Teknon?". No matter which version prefered, I would think he was to busy getting stabbed to point out each and every participant, and even if he did... he wouldn't be so polite about it.

So what were his last words? There's no way to be sure, but history agrees that as the military genius he was, he was able to see what was going on pretty quickly. He analyzed it. And came to a conclusion. And soon after the first few knives struck him, he yelled out - "But this is violence!" And he should know, he had lead many a battle, and successfully so. To the end, he was a General, and an observer. He knew violence when he saw it.

And thus he died, bleeding at the Senate floor. Surrounded by his friends and allies, the people whom he had given power, and had rewarded him for his great work.

On this day, we honour the greatest statesman of all. In memoria, Caesar-baby. Rome will be reborn.

(The BBC has the full story on his murder)

I found myself in the Bible

I'm a lover of religious text, and not just those that praise me and work - and I'm sure there are a lot of them out there. Religious texts, myths and great litterature are archetypal in nature, and we can always some element, whether an emotion, situation or personality that we recognize as our own.

And this way, one drunken night, I found myself in the Bible, while watching the original Jesus Christ Superstar adaptation. He didn't look much like me (well, you could always shave his head and add a beard, and perhaps a couple of pounds), and well, I don't much agree with his opinions. But his lifestyle? His whole attitude? And his moves? Baby, those moves are mine.

Who are you asking? Who am I in the Bible?

None other than King Herod, sweetie!



Now walk across my swimming pool